You Wouldn’t Quit Your Addiction, So I Had To Quit You

I finally realized it was you all along. You couldn’t say no to drugs. You couldn’t tell me the truth. You couldn’t put your family first. I gave and gave and gave until I had nearly nothing left.

I hit rock bottom. And when I did I realized I couldn’t fix you I realized what we had was not love. We wouldn’t make it. I refused to be the other woman, coming in second to drugs. Continue reading “You Wouldn’t Quit Your Addiction, So I Had To Quit You”

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Hello Chaos, My Old Friend.

Tonight is almost like deja vu. I swear I’ve been here before.

Only, things are different, just slightly.

Tonight, it is me in place of where my dad used to be.

Tonight, it is my kids in place of where I used to be.

Tonight, it is whiskey, no chaser.

Tonight, it is stereo blasting. Continue reading “Hello Chaos, My Old Friend.”

You Are Worth It; An Open Letter

Dearest,

You are worth it. You can do it. You deserve better. You are capable of better. It used to be so rough and turbulent in the old days. I fear those days still have a tight grip on you, suffocating you slowly. Continue reading “You Are Worth It; An Open Letter”

Plateaus And Change

My eight year old daughter asked me a question yesterday afternoon as I was preparing grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner. “Mama, how do you like someone you don’t even know?”

I was unsure of what she meant so I asked, “What do you mean?” She went on to explain that there was a boy in her third grade class that she thought she liked in the beginning of the year. She then went on to say that she no longer likes him because she now knows him better and thinks he is just a gross boy. After all, girls rule and boys drool! DUH! Continue reading “Plateaus And Change”

Emotional Nonsense.

The fog is suffocating.

I cannot see clearly. I cannot think thoroughly.

It is as if the fog surrounding me is made up of my formidable thoughts, each sapling of moisture carrying its different weight. Some so light it floats airily around me.  Others so substantial it crashes down and around creating a massive squall. Continue reading “Emotional Nonsense.”

Little Girl, Lost.

Creativity, Imagination, Innovation, Inspiration.

Where did it go?

When did it die down?

I can clearly recall my younger self being called to the teacher’s desk in third grade. She said the stories I had been writing in my periwinkle spiral notebook were wonderful stories. She said I possessed great skill and imagination. She said my creativity would take me places. Then she asked if I would like to have my stories published for the school library. Continue reading “Little Girl, Lost.”

Letters to Nobody

Have you ever typed out a really long, important text to someone but found yourself unable to press ‘send’? I do this all the time. I find myself with something to say and end up saying nothing because I realize it will not be accepted. Or maybe it will not be understood. Or maybe it will stir up an argument. I could have a million different reasons.

I have written so many letters in my life. I have so many letters that have never been sent. My home as a child was turbulent and dramatic. There was almost always arguing and yelling. There was almost always drinking. There was almost always tension. It was unbearable at the best of times. Of course, in those moments, I did not know what all was going on. I simply saw the negativity in whatever form it was presented for the time. Continue reading “Letters to Nobody”