Honestly, I’m Scared

This is only one step on my journey with PMDD.

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So, I’ve briefly blogged about PMDD before. I liken this time period to my inner dragon awakening. I recently visited my primary care physician for a regular check up and mentioned PMDD to him. He was educated on it, thankfully. Continue reading “Honestly, I’m Scared”

I’m Not Here

The liquid slides down, burning as it goes. The smoke curls and twists in the air, slowly dissipating. The speakers bump loudly, matching my mood.

Thoughts are racing like a cloud of gnats, annoying and quick. Words are tumbling over each other, like pushy people in retail lines.

I’m ready to scream and punch, but remain frozen. There are so many questions running rampant in my mind, so many emotions storming through me.

I look back on this week and I wonder where I was. This floating feeling is making me sick.

I try to remain positive and strong. I try to hold on but I have no grip on anything.

This roller coaster must be broken and I’m tired of the ride. I’ve carried an elephant on my chest for far too long. I try to kick it off me, but anxiety is heavy. Fear is winning.

I’m still fighting, for me. But I grow weary.

Picture From: http://interpersonal-compatibility.blogspot.com/2017/03/dissociation-defense-mechanism-disorder.html

Ascending From Slumber: Part One

Suddenly I am standing on the front porch of my nightmares, the door eerily still, wide open. I feel the walls close in on me as I look at that spot on the floor. The haunting shade of red draws me in as I recall being curled up on that floor, spitting blood and drowning in my tears. Continue reading “Ascending From Slumber: Part One”

Let Go

My mind is playing tricks on me

I miss you like a faded memory

I cannot recall.

 

My mind is playing tricks on me

I feel your touch like a ghost in the night

You are not there at all.

 

My mind is playing tricks on me

I hear your voice call my name like a whisper in the wind

I will not let you penetrate this wall.

 

My mind is playing tricks on me

I run away from you like a victim seeking safety

It is time for me to stand tall.

For more from KrystalJoy check out ehhwhatever.com
Picture From: https://taystephens.wordpress.com/daily-thoughts/

Here We Go Again; PMDD

So, this blog will not be eloquent or properly written. Fair warning on cuss words too.

Over the summer, after an intense fight with my (now) ex, I googled “Why do I get so angry right before my period?”.  The results showed me a shit ton of links describing and relating to PMDD.

Don’t know what that is? Look it up. I really don’t feel like explaining it in ‘correct’ words or terms. Long story short, though, it’s ‘categorized’ as a mental illness (whatever!), and is also known as PMS on steroids.  Continue reading “Here We Go Again; PMDD”

It’s Never Too Late To Change Your Life

Dude, life is changing.

I’m changing. Good changes. I’m choosing me. I’m deciding to trust myself and believe in myself.

I struggle with some things still, of course. But clarity is the key word here, folks. Clarity and truth.  Continue reading “It’s Never Too Late To Change Your Life”

The Truth Will Make or Break You

I am an honest person. I cannot stand lying. I am a horrible liar.

I struggle to even tell a friend ‘That shirt is so cute!’ when it is the most hideous thing I have ever seen.

I have kept a lot of my truths under lock and key because of fear. I have feared judgment, abandonment, and confusion. I have feared saying my truths and upsetting those in my life.

I will no longer be that person.  Continue reading “The Truth Will Make or Break You”