I’m Not Here

The liquid slides down, burning as it goes. The smoke curls and twists in the air, slowly dissipating. The speakers bump loudly, matching my mood.

Thoughts are racing like a cloud of gnats, annoying and quick. Words are tumbling over each other, like pushy people in retail lines.

I’m ready to scream and punch, but remain frozen. There are so many questions running rampant in my mind, so many emotions storming through me.

I look back on this week and I wonder where I was. This floating feeling is making me sick.

I try to remain positive and strong. I try to hold on but I have no grip on anything.

This roller coaster must be broken and I’m tired of the ride. I’ve carried an elephant on my chest for far too long. I try to kick it off me, but anxiety is heavy. Fear is winning.

I’m still fighting, for me. But I grow weary.

Picture From: http://interpersonal-compatibility.blogspot.com/2017/03/dissociation-defense-mechanism-disorder.html
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Ascending From Slumber: Part One

Suddenly I am standing on the front porch of my nightmares, the door eerily still, wide open. I feel the walls close in on me as I look at that spot on the floor. The haunting shade of red draws me in as I recall being curled up on that floor, spitting blood and drowning in my tears. Continue reading “Ascending From Slumber: Part One”

Let Go

My mind is playing tricks on me

I miss you like a faded memory

I cannot recall.

 

My mind is playing tricks on me

I feel your touch like a ghost in the night

You are not there at all.

 

My mind is playing tricks on me

I hear your voice call my name like a whisper in the wind

I will not let you penetrate this wall.

 

My mind is playing tricks on me

I run away from you like a victim seeking safety

It is time for me to stand tall.

For more from KrystalJoy check out ehhwhatever.com
Picture From: https://taystephens.wordpress.com/daily-thoughts/

The Truth Will Make or Break You

I am an honest person. I cannot stand lying. I am a horrible liar.

I struggle to even tell a friend ‘That shirt is so cute!’ when it is the most hideous thing I have ever seen.

I have kept a lot of my truths under lock and key because of fear. I have feared judgment, abandonment, and confusion. I have feared saying my truths and upsetting those in my life.

I will no longer be that person.  Continue reading “The Truth Will Make or Break You”

Sunshine And Rainbows

What do you do when you have no desire to do anything?

What is the point of waking up to an alarm every day only to get up and get dressed and get in the car to drive to work? Yeah, I know, there are bills to pay and responsibilities to take care of. But what is the point?

I get into a car I don’t want, because it is necessary to get to work.

I go to a job I do not like, because it is necessary to pay the bills.

And it is an endless cycle. Continue reading “Sunshine And Rainbows”

A Walk Down Memory Lane

Here goes another trip to the past.

-When my siblings and I were younger, living in the same house with both mom and dad, we used to have a tape recorder. It was what was considered micro back then and it was silver.

The only reason we had this tape recorder was for evidence. We would record our parent’s fights. Continue reading “A Walk Down Memory Lane”

Heads or Tails: A Life Changing Decision

I realized today, while in psychic development class, that I am in a position where I have to make a decision. Making this decision calls in to question different beliefs that I have.

I believe people can and do change. The change may be subtle and quiet or it may be loud and totally noticeable. I am the type of person that goes with the flow. I avoid and hate conflict and criticism. This could be a strength at times and a weakness at others. Continue reading “Heads or Tails: A Life Changing Decision”