I haven’t been myself lately. But then again, who am I anyways?
This year has been hell from the very start. It’s been almost a month since I’ve processed any feelings. I’ve been walking around apathetic with bursts here and there of emotion. But that is all beginning to end and the feelings are coming at me strong.
Right now, I am angry. Fuck being tired and sad. Fuck being misunderstood. Fuck being used and judged. Fuck being walked all over and then forgotten.
I feel like punching someone in the face. I feel like standing on the roof of a tall building and screaming to the world that these things have happened to me and I’m not okay. I feel like becoming the tornado of my emotions and destroying things.
Instead, I’ll let these words snatch the anger out of me and I’ll write.
First, I want to say a big FUCK YOU to the man who remains silent and non-existent in my life, you were shit then and you’re still shit now.
I want to say another fuck you to the woman who seemingly only pretends to care but has also become non-existent in my life, you were selfish way back when and you still are now.
I want to say fuck you to the people who disagree with my decisions and choices and disappear from my life without a word about anything, you can just stay where you are.
I want to say fuck you to the people who took advantage of me. Those persons who kept such a disgusting secret from me. Those people who listened to me, saw me hurt and confused, watched me cry, and didn’t say a word of truth: FUCK YOU.
Fuck you to the girl who used me to get through her trials and then shit all over me without thinking twice.
Fuck you to the dude who lived beneath a mask, casting criticisms and judgments, yet was sitting on a shocking secret.
Fuck your secrets. Fuck your shame. Fuck your guilt. Fuck your mistakes. Fuck your excuses, too.
I won’t wish you the worst. I won’t hope for the best, either.
I simply hope you all get what you deserve.
“How could you do this to me? Look at what I made for you. It never was enough, and the world is what I gave you. I used to be love-struck, now I’m just fucked up. Pull up my sleeve and see the pattern of my cuts!” – My Black Dahlia by Hollywood Undead
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