Am I paralyzed, emotionally? Or do I finally have a clear head?
Is this real life right now? Did this actually happen to me?
My anxiety is playing with me. I’m struggling to focus but I cannot be still. I’m forced to make a lot of extremely gut-wrenching and heart shattering decisions.
I’m holding it together, though. I’m making it day by day. I’m exhausted and I’m restless.
I’ve got a lot of gratitude. I’ve got a bitter sweet feeling. So many things are so backwards and unusual and it’s a lot of change all at once. I want to rewind time and settle into the bliss of ignorance.
But I know I have to keep pushing forward. I recently learned the extremely hard way that I am important and I have worth. I demand to be treated in a way that equals my self-worth.
I know I’ll be alright. One day I’ll turn around and it won’t hurt to look back. One day I’ll trust again.
It’s going to take a lot of hard work to get to that day. It’s going to take feeling a whirlwind of hurt and rising out of it to a solid foundation that I build myself.
It’s amazing and insane the way things fall apart, so hard and so sudden, and at the same time things are falling together, blessings in disguise.