I realized today, while in psychic development class, that I am in a position where I have to make a decision. Making this decision calls in to question different beliefs that I have.
I believe people can and do change. The change may be subtle and quiet or it may be loud and totally noticeable. I am the type of person that goes with the flow. I avoid and hate conflict and criticism. This could be a strength at times and a weakness at others.
I am a paradox in most aspects of life. Good and bad, positive and negative flow intertwined most times. I have been working on changing my inner voice in hopes to be a more positive person. Like the saying, you are what you eat, you get what you give; the law of attraction.
I am grappling with indecision on whether or not to cut someone out of my life, for good. How can I make such a permanent decision when I hold the belief that people are capable of change?
This person crossed some lines in my life. This person has abused me, in more than one way. This person has caused me a world of pain and confusion. Not just now but a long way back as well.
I consider myself to be rather forgiving. I consider myself a person who does not judge others.
But this person has hurt me. This person has caused a lot of turbulence in my life for as long as I can remember.
This person has been through hell themselves. But is that an excuse for treating others the same?
This decision that is weighing me down will affect more than just myself. It feels as if my road will fork and offer me the high road or the low road. Each choice will come with its own consequences. Each choice will affect those in my sphere.
I am terrified. How do I even weigh this decision?
If this person even has anything to say, how do I listen?
Harder yet, if this person has nothing to say, how do I listen?
I feel that family is important in life. I believe that family could be more than just blood ties.
I thought I believed that family, blood or not, would be able to work through anything together. This person’s actions and inactions call even that belief into question.
Everything in my life is pointing towards the need to make this decision. Yet, indecision is festering. Head and heart are playing tug of war for what feels like the first time in my life.
The angel and the devil on my shoulders are in a seemingly endless debate, each presenting valid points and counterpoints.
You ever spin a quarter on a tabletop? That’s my life right now. The quarter is slowing down and losing center balance. It’s going to fall on one side.
Yet, I have no idea which side I’m calling out. Heads or tails?