You Wouldn’t Quit Your Addiction, So I Had To Quit You

I finally realized it was you all along. You couldn’t say no to drugs. You couldn’t tell me the truth. You couldn’t put your family first. I gave and gave and gave until I had nearly nothing left.

I hit rock bottom. And when I did I realized I couldn’t fix you I realized what we had was not love. We wouldn’t make it. I refused to be the other woman, coming in second to drugs.

You took advantage of my giving nature. You gas-lighted me every time I caught you. You went from coke to alcohol to pills to heroin. You went from being a drug addict to being a drug dealer and then both!

You couldn’t stop and open your eyes to the good that was right in front you.

You disrespected me. You disrespected my family. You used me. I am so thankful for the day I finally woke up and put you in your place, behind me.

If only it was as easy as never speaking to you again. I thank you, though, for the three beautiful angels you were a part of making. It’s too bad you aren’t around for them.

You’re lucky I’m not vindictive, I’m not selfish, and I’m not cruel.

I am responsible, caring, and generous.

You’re lucky I am a good parent.

Because of your actions, I have to be mom and dad. Because of your actions, I have to find the right way to explain to my daughters why their dad isn’t around.

I have to figure out how to explain your actions to them without tainting the image they hold of you.

Because of your actions, my son won’t know you and I have to figure out how to tell him who you are.

My daughters can now say they’ve been to a prison visitation, they now see a counselor. It breaks my heart because they have been made fun of because their dad is in prison. And your sentence is not even halfway done.

I wonder how you sleep at night. I wonder how you live with yourself knowing you are a deadbeat.

I wonder how you get the strength to start each day knowing you chose drugs consistently over the best thing to ever happen to you.

Will ever run out of excuses? Ever own up to your wrongdoings?

I can look back on those hard and long years with you and be thankful that I moved on. You were a major lesson in my life. If I hadn’t of experienced the awful things I did with you I would not be able to fully appreciate my life now.

You were the bad I needed to go through in order to love the good I have now.

**This is to my ex-husband who caught charges and is currently serving a prison sentence, effectively removing himself further from the kids’ lives. DRUGS SUCK!!**

 

Advertisements

Author: Krystal Joy

Just a mom of many forging my way in this world seeking balance. Peace/Love/Happiness.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s